An epiphany, of sorts...

So here I've been, wasting a way my creative energies and for the longest time I haven't been able to figure out why. As I wrote in my last post, I've been living with my parents for quite some time, with plans on moving to Asheville NC, at the end of February.

As I've been sitting here at my computer for what seems like days on end, in attempt to find expression online, I've realized I've krept back in the closet, in a way. I am unable to be myself at my parent's house. I've had to lie about where I am going sometimes, not really talk about my personal life and live under the reality they've created. Because of this, my ability to express myself has been eclipsed. My photography has taken off because it's something that I can do out of the house, away from the end of their lives.

My art is my freedom, my complete freedom, and when I feel like I am not free, I unable to freely create. Just today as I sat around the house, I thought, "I'm going to get going on my work." The moment I started to prepare my space to work part of the house lost power. At that moment I had to suspend any plans and all the energy that I had just disappeared, and so hear I am, online being completely unproductive while the new pieces I have in my head, and the unfinished one on this easel lie in stasus.

I love my parents, truly, I'm not writing this to say, "it's all their fault." My parents are who they are. They've lived their lives, raised their children and are trying to just live day to day, work their jobs and enjoy a newly discovered happiness. The issue here is that the reality that they've created for themselves is far and away from the reality I live in, and yet, they are colliding and the result is a retreat to the closet, an eclipsed emersion from a cocoon that I lived in for most of my life.

My home, Asheville, NC, calls me.